Author: Joshua Roots

It’s the Friday before Christmas which means I need to get an ugly tie.

Not just any ugly tie. I need something horrible. Stomach-churning-retina-burning bad.

For almost 30 years, my family has held its annual Fruitcake Christmas which begins on Christmas Day with The Ugly Tie Contest. The worse the tie, the better chance you have of winning. But it’s not just the tie itself, it’s also the story that accompanies it. There have been skits, impersonations, and poems written, all in the quest to claim the title for that year.

And that’s just the beginning. The rest of the week includes events like building the ridiculously hard puzzle that someone brought, playing Combat Monopoly, Poker Night, Christmas Trivia Night, etc. One year we held a How to Host a Murder dinner. Another, a talent show.

What can I say? We’re a bizarre group with a bizarre tradition.

The thing is, for as silly as Fruitcake Christmas seems on the surface, this event has become a mainstay in our lives. As a kid, it was the highlight of the Christmas season. My sister and I couldn’t wait to be done with presents because that meant we were one step closer to unveiling the awful creation someone had birthed upon this world. As we’ve grown older and started families of our own, we still make every effort to participate, even if it’s through the camera on our laptops. And all because this strange little tradition connects us and ensures that we remain a part of the massive organism of crazy that is our family. 

Which means I only have five days to find the worst tie ever made.

How about you? Holiday related or not, do you all have any bizarre family traditions?